28 years and counting

Heading back from RadioShack the other day, I saw an old (probably in their late 70s) couple walking down the street. They stopped for a minute to look into a store window, and I watched as the man gently took his companion's hand in his. In that small affectionate act, I felt like I could see the bond between them. It's likely that their story is not as fairytale-esque as I'm inclined to believe, but in that moment of observation, they were the quintessential couple.

Today is my parents' 28th wedding anniversary. Like the elderly couple, my impression of my parents’ marriage is most likely unreasonably idealized. Based on what I know, their story is reminiscent of a too-predictable romantic comedy; they met in college, married other people (they were both at each other's respective first weddings), and against the odds, ended up together many years later. The history I've concocted of them as a couple is not a realistic one. I know that. I'm ok with it. In actuality, they only tied the knot because they decided they wanted a kid (that's me), which doesn't really scream sweep-you-off-your-feet romance. Disregarding facts that suggest the contrary, I like to think of them as if they've always been together, as if they belong together. Today, they celebrate the time they've spent married to each other, and so do I. Their togetherness has shaped my ideas about marriage and love and coupledom, and for that I am grateful.

I’m certain that in a few years, when my parents are a bit older, they will be able to be seen walking down the street together, holding hands. I hope someone takes a moment to notice.

the nameless stalkee (an update)

So, when I first commented on my "what's in a name?" post, saying that the guy I had sort of internet stalked wasn't there the following week, I suggested that by some very slim chance he might have internet stalked me and read my blog post and then realized I had stalked him and then decided that I'm kind of a crazy person and now was avoiding me as a hypocritical consequence (I know, run-on sentence using crazy to reason my way to my conclusions, but that's kinda how I think). However, I was *mostly* joking. But then, the next week rolled around and again he wasn't there after his class. Hmm. Suspicious. That got me slightly more worried and it occurred to me that maybe I was right.

My fears were alleviated today. I ran into him in the hall and said hello as we headed to our respective classes. He asked if I was going to come by after my class and I said that I would. Unfortunately, the class I'm teaching has a midterm tomorrow and several students had questions after the hour discussion was over, delaying my arrival at the classroom I teach in at 6pm. When I got to the room, I was disappointed to see that he had already left. But, he left me a note on the blackboard: "Hey Maya, Sorry, I had to go. Good luck teaching!" This makes me think that he's not too worried that I'm a crazy stalker person. Phew! What a relief!

what's in a name?

Sometimes I worry about my stalker tendencies. I'm not creepy... at least, not really creepy. It's just that people happen to make excellent puzzles... and I like puzzles...

This all started because of my poor ability to remember names. I'm usually worried about so many things when introducing myself to someone new, that their name tends to slip by me. It isn't until later, after the interaction is over and I have time to ruminate over the exchange, that I realize I have no idea what the person's name is.

I do realize that I'm not alone in this name-forgetting dilemma. Lots of people have this problem. Most of the time I feel ok admitting to a new acquaintance that I have no recollection of their name. Although this is slightly embarrassing, it is often the case that the other party has also forgotten my name, in which case awkwardness is minimized, and life goes on.

However, there are those occasions in which those first "whoops, I forgot your name already" moments slip by, and one can find oneself several weeks into an almost-friendship not actually knowing the other person's name.

I met a grad student who teaches in my classroom the hour before me, and each week we've been chatting a bit before my discussion section. He's super friendly and really nice, but I have absolutely no idea what his name is. Unfortunately, he knows mine, and insists on addressing me with it (the jerk!). Anyway, this is how the stalking began....

"So," I thought, "I'll look through the list of grad students in his department, and maybe that will jog my memory." No luck. I tried Google imaging the promising names from the list. No luck -- the list doesn't include everyone. Next step: search for the name using the schedule of classes (I know the building, room, and time of his discussion). Bingo! I got the last name. Great! I Googled again and came up with his first name as well. Problem solved.

This is probably where I should have stopped, because really, all I wanted was the first name so that I didn't seem like such a jackass not knowing it when we talk.

However, with the internet at my fingertips, it's hard to stop at just a name....

Amongst other things, I found the guy's blog. I read it. There's nothing terribly personal or embarrassing in it, but just the fact that I've gotten all of this information about him without his knowledge feels, well, kind of creepy.

Oh well. Maybe I can stand to be a little creepy. At least now I know his name!

Lent

It's been 21 days. The withdrawal symptoms are finally beginning to subside, and the intense cravings that I initially experienced have almost completely gone away...

This year I gave up cookies for Lent. I'm not religious (so forgive me if you are -- I do not mean to insult this tradition through my frivolous take on it), but I do like the idea of giving up a vice for some limited amount of time. As explained in my last post, I'm not very good at very strict long-term goals, but 40 days seems to be about the length of time I can handle.

Ordinarily, giving up cookies for a few weeks wouldn't be such a big deal. However, coffee hour cookies have made resisting the cookie temptation extra hard. The neuro program has begun to do a Tuesday coffee hour. Coffee hour might as well be called cookie hour, as far as I'm concerned, because there is always an abundance of delicious cookies to snack on to accompany the coffee. That alone would not be so bad (Tuesdays are not terribly frequent), but the cookies for coffee hour often end up being stored in my shared office space, so that I am not only tempted to eat them during the coffee hour, but every hour that I'm in lab. What makes it worse is that my labmates think it's hilarious to make a show out of eating cookies in front of me. Luckily, I've made it this far and managed, so I feel pretty confident that I can make it until Easter. Until then, I'll comfort myself with the thought that after April 3rd I'll have the option once again to turn back into a cookie monster.

new(ish) year's intentions

So, I started this at the beginning of the year. Better to finish it up and post it late than never, I suppose....

In theory, I like the idea of a New Year's Resolution. It's nice to think of each January 1st as a new beginning -- a clean slate upon which we can start afresh. Unfortunately, in practice, these yearly-generated self-improvement lists seem to be doomed to fail.

Despite repeated failures, optimistically, I continue to make New Year's Resolutions in the hope that this year will be different. Sadly, even with the best intentions, the average lifespan of any given resolution tends to be around 3 weeks -- kept up through the first part of January, half-heartedly continued for another week or so, and then all but forgotten by February.

I suppose I have gotten a bit better at keeping resolutions. This gradual change in resolution success over the years, however, probably has more to do with a change in resolution-making strategy than with any real increase in willpower or determination. As I've gotten older, I've become craftier at selecting goals that are more attainable. I've cut out the 'too general' (e.g., "be healthier") type, since the vagueness makes it difficult to determine whether it is actually kept up, and the 'too strict' (e.g., "exercise for at least one hour every day") sort, that seem impossible to keep. Yet, even with these eliminations, I still struggle with even the most lenient resolutions.

This year I decided not to make any resolutions, per se, but instead to come up with some New(ish) Year's intentions, or considerations. This way, I can think about the things that I would like to do differently in my life without the pressure of commitment or the guilt and disappointment of failure. I like the idea of trying to keep myself aware of the things that I want. Any progress I make toward these things is unlikely to come from one day's decision to do so, but instead, possibly through repeated reminders about my goals and desires.

Most everything I'm considering is pretty general, and admittedly, resemble those 'too general' resolutions made in years past. In any case, I'll share the things I've been thinking about that I want to change or improve upon in my life...


The overarching theme seems to be something along the lines of "Be More Adult-like." To be slightly more specific...

1) I have a tendency to put off life maintenance activities, and would like to do better at that (i.e., getting haircuts, going to the dentist, keeping my apartment tidy all the time -- as opposed to just cleaning up when I'm expecting company, washing my car at a reasonable frequency, etc.).

2) I think I also need to pay more attention to my overall well-being. It's probably time for me to try exercising regularly, to be more aware of my food choices, to make efforts to get enough sleep every night, and to keep myself from drinking excessively.

3) Being more independent and feeling like I'm in control of my life is another sub-area I'd like to improve upon. I want to cook more, freeing myself from reliance on frozen foods and restaurant meals. I'd like to learn to sew - nothing fancy, but I want to be able to hem the occasional pair of pants or repair a seam myself. I also want to be better at keeping track of my finances, including doing my own taxes.


Of course, there are lots of other things that I'm considering, but these are the big areas I'd like to focus on. Maybe after some time and more thought, I can work on modifying some of the more nebulous aspect of my life and personality. For now, I'm going to stick with these general, although tangible goals, and hope that they lead to an increase of happiness.

motion detection

Monday morning.

I unlock the door to my shared lab area and flip the light switch to the 'on' position. No change, still dark.

The lights are controlled by a motion detector, so when the initial flip of the switch doesn't work, I usually try moving around to set off the sensor. I walk around the office. Nothing.

I try going in and out of the room, hoping that entrance into the room might be more easily noticed. Nothing.

I do some more walking in circles, this time waving my arms. Again, nothing.

Ok, arm waving isn't enough. What next? Perhaps I'm not tall enough. So, I dance around, jumping up and down while my arms wave. Still, nothing. Hmm....

As a last resort, I stand on chairs and wave my arms. This is getting a little ridiculous, but the lights are still not on. Damn.

I give up, resigning myself to darkness.

After about two minutes of sitting in the dark, the lights come on. wtf?

I almost wish this was a practical joke, set up to catch me acting like a crazy person alone in a darkened office. At least that would make sense! Oh well, I'm glad the lights are on and now I can see.

i heart berkeley

Today I went home for lunch. As I headed down Berkeley Way, I was abruptly pulled out of a daydream when a man who looked like he never quite made it out of the 60s accused, "YOU LOOK NORMAL!!!"

He stared at me with wide eyes, and with concern and increasing desperation in his voice he added, "What are you doing in Berkeley? Get out! GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!"

I think perhaps he has lived too long in Berkeley.